Friday 12 January 2018

Tales of a Plateau Corps Member

Hi, I'm Richard of RicheeTech would like to share 10 Crazy Things I Did At My Crazy NYSC Place Of Primary Assignment That Are Unbelievably Crazy!

Perhaps there's a solid reason why many 'Corpers' choose to "ghost" their NYSC Place of Primary Assignment, otherwise known as NYSC PPA. The best reason I presume is simply because no one wants to suffer in some remote interior village where people still live in thatched huts, fetch water from general community wells and haven't had NEPA light for over 30 years (and counting).

The motto out here in these woods is simple: if you can't adapt, you can't survive. Let's just say that the crazy things in did here in Turning, Quanpan LGA of Plateau State where I was posted for my NYSC Place of Primary Assignment were largely in an effort to survive.

1. I drove a Motorcycle.
Okay, I really don't know why I got interested in doing this. I've never had good opinions about motorcycles (save for power bikes) but on getting to my NYSC Place of Primary Assignment, we realised that the dominant mode of transportation there were Okada (the terrain was heavily rough). And FYI,  it's far simpler than driving a car.


2. I ate Dog meat
I call this the curious case of the dog meat incident. Just so you know, in my personal opinion dog meat rivals the taste of Goat and Cow meat. Period.

3. I drank well water (from a general community well)
Money during one's NYSC Place of Primary Assignment is hard to come by, you'll agree with me if you've been there. So a scenario where you don't have money to buy water and boiling water can't cope with the pace at which you consume it, what other option is next? Adapt to survive.

4. I ate Pig meat with Burukutu.
Just so you know, Burukutu, a native "delicacy" made from either famented corn or millet costs a flimsy N30 per one large calabash. And BTW, I did not buy it with my money (before you start thinking). I was passing by (it's on the way to my house) after a hectic teaching day when my Vice Principal cajoled me into having some pig and Burukutu with him, all on him.

I took 2 calabashes (each made of either corn or millet) and I equated that 1 1/2 calabashes was there about the alcoholic content of a bottle of beer (5%). There are some villagers here that take 30 calabashes in one sitting. In essence, pig meat is crappy and Burukutu is pointless. I'd rather just do Amstel Malt.

5. I cooked with firewood.

Prior to now we've only used firewood to cook for events back in Lagos. But having to go all the way to a different local government (Quanpan to Shendam) to fill gas and spend about N2,500 in total (filling and transport) just didn't appeal to me. Sometimes it took me 30 whole minutes just to light the wood.

6. I used a grinding stone.

What??? You head that right! And to be honest, although the first time I used it to ground pepper my hand peppered me for like 2 days, I have to admit it's far more effective than a mortar and pestle. You should try it, really!

7. I used nature's natural toilet.
One really crazy thing my NYSC Place of Primary Assignment left me no choice to do was bath and use the toilet outside (and I don't mean they mounted a water closet or pit latrine outside). Out here, the entire village is your toilet (if you know what I mean). Nobody builds toilets here.

8. I soaked raw grounded Soya Beans like Garri.
I admit, I was a bit stupid here. Maybe a bit more. I guess before I totally stopped the stupid act, it had to take consistent trips to our bush toilet (sometimes 3x a day) before I asked my self one simple question: "Who told you that they eat grounded Soya Beans as if you're soaking Garri?"

Not my fault, I had never seen (talk more eat) Soya Beans prior to coming in to this hell hole of an NYSC Place of Primary Assignment. All I wanted to do was drink it after lifting weights!

9. I became a groundnut farmer.

Don't laugh, I know it's hilarious, especially if you know me personally. But hey, we needed multiple streams of income. Allawee (plus a probable N5k from your NYSC PPA which they may or may not owe you). Over here, about 2/3 of corpers own farms.

10. I wore one clothe for 7 days (back to back)!

Okay, before you think I'm gross, hear me out, okay? I went to the ATM but couldn't return in time so I camped at a nearby NYSC corpers Lodge. Then I took a quick logical decision: It was a Thursday night, I could return home in the morning of Friday and go to Jos on Monday, or I could just go tomorrow morning to Jos (and spare myself the long journey to and from my own PPA on the way to Jos).

I had presumed my bank transactions in Jos would go so smoothly I'd stay just a day (mind you Quanpan to Jos is about 6 hours to and from). I couldn't go and return again. All in all, it took me from Friday till Wednesday to solve the matter. I didn't go prepared and hence the wearing one clothe incident.

This post was written by Richard of RicheeTech.

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